You deserve some sunshine.
I know, I know, it was rude and callous of me to demand your money (although your contribution is tax-deductible). I can’t help it– I’m a graduate student living off loans and a fellowship stipend. I just got back from an academic conference last week, so I didn’t have time to go grocery shopping, and frankly, didn’t want to spend the money.
I’m eating pizza for a week.
The best part? I’m lactose intolerant!
But don’t worry, I have lactase pills. Even so, I can tell my body is angry at me. My stomach feels like a large water balloon. For the sake of frugality, I am feeding myself poison. Now that I know what suffering feels like, I should probably be nicer to you.
In the spirit of crowdfunding, I’m taking a leaf from Kickstarter and offering some rewards for donating to Team Equality.
This is because I know that we give not because we’re wonderful people, but because it feels so dang good! Altruism is selfish, and that’s okay… because I plan to take full advantage of that.
My feel-dang-good rewards are as follows:
$10: A handwritten thank you card. Anyone who has received one of these from me knows that they are one of a kind, filled with drawings and flattering compliments and poems and sunshine.
$20: A handwritten thank you card and a video of me extolling your virtues. If you need this addressed to your mom, your partner, your supervisor, or anyone else who never thinks you are good enough, this can be arranged. If you are local or lucky, I can also throw some baked goods or a fair trade gift that supports the artisan that made it into the deal. I know. We’re getting fancy. Is anyone else starting to think of the 12 days of Christmas song?
$50: A handwritten thank you card, a video of me extolling your virtues and a baked good or fair trade thang. Possibly cookies. If you are gluten-free, I will procure this from the nearest local hippie grocery store.
$75: A handwritten thank you card, a video of me extolling your virtues and a gift from a comic book shop. Maybe you want a comic book. Or you’re a Doctor Who fanatic. Or you think Totoro is your Spirit Animal. I will do my best to satisfy your geeky tendencies.
$100: A handwritten thank you card, a video of me extolling your virtues and picks from the Historical Soulard Farmer’s Market. They are my all-time fave. I would live there, if they had showers.
SUPPORT above that: I will seriously consider an offer of marriage, a civil union, or a very intense 3 minute unblinking gaze. This could get weird. In all honesty, if you are donating above $100, I would love to have a 30 minute conversation about life, love, your hopes and dreams, the weather and how to become the Queen of England without marrying into the family (Corgis are so cute).
Please email me at karen.lynn.yang[at]gmail[dot]com with your address and the amount you donated to receive these gifts. If your gift requires shipping, I ask that you donate $10 above the amount– I do not receive any of this money, but this just ensures that I don’t go broke through shipping requirements. If you cannot donate $10 above the amount, but still want gifts from your category and also require shipping, please give me three good sentences begging for the gifts and I will consider your request. If you want a different gift, please let me know and I will consider it. I have never made a rainbow cake or rainbow jello before and it seems fun.
Thanks for reading, loves!