feeling like a cat
my heartbrain is sick
anxiety dreams about friends making fun of my food and telling me i’m stupid and foolish
waking in narnia speaking to an Asian aslan aslan asks what is it about your heart
that makes it important that other people affirm you
that other people validate you
that needs to come from within
what are you doing to heal yourself
i like… i like having tea with my friends.
i like cooking for people.
when i care for others i feel like i’m in control
but i’m not taking care of myself
my teachers said karen needs to focus on her own work
you need to let nature heal you
you need to have healing rituals
you need to listen to your Asian body
you are in a foreign land. your Asian body will tell you what you need to do.
there are winter foods and summer foods and you don’t want anything summery during the winter.
I expected to encounter horrible things when I began this work
I didn’t expect this confusing, ambiguity
But that’s how sin works, dahling,
if it were obvious, we’d be able to see it and take care of it by now
you’re doing the right thing
shattered pieces of glass
and the grout is imperceptibly disintegrating
crumbs of cement lying on the ground