feeling like a cat

my heartbrain is sick

anxiety dreams about friends making fun of my food and telling me i’m stupid and foolish

waking in narnia speaking to an Asian aslan aslan asks what is it about your heart

that makes it important that other people affirm you

that other people validate you

that needs to come from within

what are you doing to heal yourself

heal myself?


i like… i like having tea with my friends.

i like cooking for people.

when i care for others i feel like i’m in control

but i’m not taking care of myself

my teachers said karen needs to focus on her own work

you need to let nature heal you

you need to have healing rituals

you need to listen to your Asian body

you are in a foreign land. your Asian body will tell you what you need to do.

there are winter foods and summer foods and you don’t want anything summery during the winter.

I expected to encounter horrible things when I began this work

I didn’t expect this confusing, ambiguity

But that’s how sin works, dahling,

if it were obvious, we’d be able to see it and take care of it by now

you’re okay

you’re doing the right thing

you’re okay

shattered pieces of glass

and the grout is imperceptibly disintegrating

crumbs of cement lying on the ground


3 thoughts on “meow

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