My Bliss/Their Bliss

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PSA: Hanging out with friend + toddler at park = super fun.
Getting delicious blackened chicken sandwich with friends + toddler at restaurant = super fun.
Going to art fair with friend + toddler and enjoying art, music, mango tango (blended mango, citrus, splash of vodka, ice), and samosas = super fun.

Having the bliss of a mango tango in one hand, a stroller with toddler in another, surrounded by music and art being interrupted by
A bunch of white teens talking loudly about
How it’s okay to have a running joke about
Saying that every Asian person they encounter
Looks like their one Asian friend
=NOT FUN AT ALL.

I walked in front of them, hoping that they would correct themselves, or realize how horrible they were being.
They did no such thing.
The hair stood up on the back of my neck.
I said nothing.

I went home.
Still steaming, wondering if I should have said something.

I imagined spinning around and yelling at them,
“YOU ARE BEING INCREDIBLY RUDE. STOP DOING THAT.”
And if toddler asked, to pick her up and say,
“These people were being very rude and I did not like it. I am telling them not to be mean anymore.”

I did no such thing.

I have dreams sometimes when I’m punching bad people
Or running away from them
Or screaming at them.
My punches are weak, too slow, and ineffective,
My feet run slowly, I can’t tread down deep enough, and it’s like I’m trudging through mud,
I’m screaming with all of my might, my neck straining, my face contorted, but I’m hoarse, the words barely squeaking out of my throat.

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2 comments
  1. *hugs* I’m sorry Karen. Not that my experience is anything like yours, but I have a very hard time confronting rude people too. I’m not sure if I’m more afraid that they’ll react violently, or that they’ll get off on the attention and be MORE rude, or what. I imagine the “normal” everyday racism makes it even harder.

    • <3 love as always! Miss you, and I'm coming home 8/14-8/24! Hope to see you then! I also know that I have yet to reply to your latest email! You know me busy bee ;)

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